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seperate yourself, from what compels…

December 27, 2009

Blergh.
I don’t know why I bother with some people, you know? you invest so much time, energy -yourself- on them (I’m talking many years), you would think they would realise that “hey, they’ve managed to put up with my shit for so long, maybe, just maybe, I can count on them”. Apparently not.

I can not not look at it from the other persons perspective. I mean, sure, they might be going through something, they might want to be left alone. Understandable. Been there, done that. But, call me selfish, surely there is somewhere within the roughly 86,400 seconds in the day there might be a couple of seconds that the person that I’ve been there for many times before could spare to reply to my text? Apparently not.

But it’s not even that that bugs/hurts/drains/frustrates/pisses-the-shit-out-of me the most. It’s the constant rejection of my offering to help. You think that maybe after a few years, And some rather special moments, we would be passed evasiveness. Apparently not.

No wait. What frustrates me the most is my offering to help, them rejecting me, then turning around and saying that I don’t know how unwell they’ve been lately because they’ve been hiding it from me… Um, What?!

I’m exhausted. I don’t know how much longer I can be there for someone who keeps giving mixed signals, keeps pushing me away.
Sigh. Maybe it’s time to cut losses again. I’ve come to the conclusion that no matter how much I care about this person, and how much I Want to be there for them, there’s no point in me trying to be there for them anymore when it’s (quite apparently) meaningless to them.

Psychologist in me concurs. We’re all hedonic beings -we seek those things that are pleasurable and refrain from those that are not. With the amount I’m investing, I’m not getting anything even remotely favourable for my wellbeing. And I’m not a masochist.

I think it’s finally time to move on.

Post title lyrics – “Stay Away”, The Honorary Title.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. notbelle permalink
    December 28, 2009 2:12 am

    ❤ ❤ ❤

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