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all of the dreamers…

November 24, 2009
tags: , , ,

freedom!

Holidays finally here after a long and treacherous and torturous and folly-filled, stress-encompassing, anxiety provoking and madness inducing, hysteria producing semester! interspersed with some really really ridiculously awesome moments too though :). But,what with the millions of assessments due pretty much every week of the semester, and seriously obese up-tight, arrogant neuroscience professors who really need to get laid, and crazy nazi menopausal teachers who do not teach whats supposed to be taught and that also need to get laid. yeah, its been a tough one alrite.

Though, technically, folly and madness are pretty much synonymous.

This summer, i plan to get a job. Mostly to pay back  my brother. Again, i have managed to rake up a $495 bill *sigh*.

But most of all, i just want to live these holidays. i want to be able to wake up not worrying about which of my ridiculously expanding list of assessments is due. I want to sleep whenever, not just due to pulling an all nighter. I want to go out with my friends and try new things, catch up over lunches and dinners and reminisce about the stupid things we did, i want to explore new (local) terrains with my friends (coz im cheap like that), i want to get back into cooking and baking (coz im prematurely aging like that), to get back to learning Russian (coz im a nerd like that), i want to go shopping with my BFF for conference clothes for our golden key conference! i want to swim in the hotel pool at midnight (coz im girly girl like that), i want get healthier this summer and actually get back to working out (coz im deluded like that?). i want to figure out how to use this CSS blogging stuff and try out the new photoshop CS4 software my bro gave to me (coz im a geek like that) and i want to get working on renovating my room (coz im crafty like that).  i want to… yeah. you get the picture.

Also, looking forward and not-looking forward to turning 21. seems a bit too epic for my liking.

Origami Fun at Uni... as part of our group assignment believe it or not.

And who says TV isn’t educational?! My 6 year-old sister is proof it is quite educational indeed. Let me tell you a little (true) parable…

Mum: “i think i should stop eating as much, feels like i have stones or something in my stomache”

Sister: “Yeah, gallstones”

Mum & I: *flabbergasted* “What?! How do you know that?!”

Sister: ” I watch ‘Home’… I mean ‘House’ “

Mum & I: *quite stupefied*

Happy Tuesday & Happy Holidays to all xx =o)

post title lyrics: “All of the Dreamers” – Powderfinger.

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bring your secrets to me…

November 3, 2009

She stares up into the starry night

Gazing, wondering,

If she makes one,

Will anyone hear her plight?

 

Knelt on her knees

Her breath leaves all but a whisper

Please bring me at ease

Oh, dear gatekeeper.

 

Tears shed,

Fall strong like kings

On a thunderous night

A song it sings.

 

A melody floats

Above her head

And all around

Her concrete bed

 

From between the silence,

Of hopes and dreams

From between the dissonance

Of wants and needs

 

A sensation is treading, gnawing, and spreading

Something crawls within the seams

She peeks behind

Two find the pristine glistening of two little wings

 

Feet depart the barren earth

She floats upward proud

And welcomes Hope

In the embrace of a silver lined cloud.

 

Forgetting all that’s been told and all that’s been said

In her life’s vagabond voyage

No longer feeling

The incorrigible dread.


Sometimes one person can make a difference.

Can’t sleep. Thought that creative pursuits might satisfy whatever it is im needing right now. i have a fair idea of who. i mean, what. 😛 🙂

let me know what you think??

i think i may have gone a tad too cheesy. but my life is one big frikin cheeseball atm. like a cheeso ring. except they’re yummy. and fun.

Post title lyrics from AFI – “37mm”.

 

She stares up into the starry night

Gazing, wondering,

If she makes one,

Will anyone hear her plight?

Knelt on her knees

Her breath leaves all but a whisper

Please bring me at ease

Oh, dear gatekeeper.

Tears shed,

Fall strong like kings

On a thunderous night

A song it sings.

A melody floats

Above her head

And all around

Her concrete bed

From between the silence,

Of hopes and dreams

From between the dissonance

Of wants and needs

A sensation is treading, gnawing, and spreading

Something crawls within the seams

She peeks behind

Two find the pristine glistening of two little wings

Feet depart the barren earth

She floats upward proud

And welcomes Hope

In the embrace of a silver lined cloud.

Forgetting all that’s been told and all that’s been said

In her life’s vagabond voyage

No longer feeling

The incorrigible dread

be my friend, wrap me up, hold me, & breathe me.

October 31, 2009
rivals the mona lisa doesnt it?

forgive me wordpress father, its been a week since my last blog post!

So. I have had a pretty stress inducing, thought provoking, arousing and joyful week. ive experienced some pretty ups and not so pretty downs this past week. have been trouble sleeping and/or staying asleep too.

uni. blast that word to hell, really.  Anyway, this week, i was so stressed out and seriously undermining myself as i had to think of a research proposal as part of my honours application due last friday (30th). I had some vague idea of wanting to do something with perfectionism and body image. its an issue close to my heart, as i was, and still am to a degree, one of those people battling it everyday. in secret. not so much now to whoever reads this. but thats the beauty of it, i guess. But as i said, ive only got a vague idea of what i want to do. im not even sure how to go about it or if theres anything else i should/could do. suggestions? But man was i peeved off and then relieved to find out that my application was not due then anyway. a MASSIVE phew.

a friend asked me recently if im afraid of death. i replied no. its true. im not an atheist, but i dont subscribe myself to religious subscriptions. i chose to believe the parts i want and discard what i think is BS, and nonchalantly believe that God still loves me either way. shouldn’t that be the way? i find that these rules just make people feel as though theyre receiving less out of life than they could/should – and for some, its true. yeah, i never was great with rules come to think of it. guess i didnt successfully solve phase two of freuds psychosexual developmental stages. My point is, people should just be able to live and feel the way they want to, unrestricted, unbound. otherwise, whose life are they really living?! how can one truly self-actualise?

its a bit of a downer compared to the previous posts, yeah? its not meant to be, just reflecting i guess.

Thank [equivalent of]god for friends! had a blast with my bff arezo on thursday. caught up over coffee and cake, then watched Mao’s Last Dancer, which was pretty good. we’ve been quoting quite alot actually. favourite one?

Liz: you do know what sex is right?

Li: Yes. *methodically counts on hand* 1, 2, 3, 4, 5..

I really want to read the book. oooh and we finished the night with pancakes! we had so much coffee and cake tho, we could barely eat half of it. and this was the end result:

really rivals the mona lisa doesnt it?

Friday was a blast as well. is it possible to have two extrememely good days back to back?! i guess so. even though on the way home i was fearing contact with my brother, i got a message from optus that the bill was $430 bux again, only to find out it was his fault hehe. I need to save $400 for Golden Key conference!!! gah! My two bests gave me the perfect way to end the working week, and im grateful. i think everyone should have atleast one of these type of friends. they’re definitely keepers. and they do exactly all of the way above (read: post title). Actually, if it weren’t for my dear Arezo, id still be stuck in my shell! i wish thats why my grandad nicknamed me “turtle”, but no, it was coz i was so fat as a little toddler, that you know, i moved very slowly …whenever i did move 😉 🙂

todays title (every blog title so far are lyrics, intend on keeping with the theme because music never ceases to play a pivotal role in my life) is from Sia – “Breathe Me”.

you gotta have faith.

October 23, 2009

man, im really tired.so my apologies if this is

a) nonsensical, b) boring, c) a waste of time, or d) all of the previous as nothing is above.

Fridays. Gotta love Fridays.Except me of course, because uni has found yet another way to make my life utterly, irrevocably, so damned difficult.

It was a tiring day to begin with. Blessedly, the pod was charged and in ready to be whored out and belt out some pumping music. But that’s not the point. I was tired. You see, yesterday I sporadically decided after many months of thinking-about-it to start a blog. Which I did, and some of you loved. which I love. I stayed up till almost2 I think (after pulling an all nighter the night before), checking out how to use this whole blogging system. and chatting to my BFF, Arezo. Until that is, I had a flashbulb moment that went something like this:

“heeeeey its not Friday night tonight, Its Thursday tonight instead!. That means I have class tomorrow with crazy nazi menopausal teacher who likes to teach me everything except what we are actually supposed to be learning.”. splendid.

instead of waking up at 6, i woke up at 8:48. great, 12 mins to get ready. actually made it on time, only for the train to get delayed for 15mins. I got to class, and guess what, instead of learning about whatever the content for this weeks chapter was, I learnt about the whole HSC scaling system in relation to the bell curve. Yeah, how much am I paying for this subject? Something a lot much. which so easily could have been put towards more cds and shoes. I just bet that question is gonna be in the test next week.

On the way home in the train, I was really grumpy. As per usual, I let my rage out by telling off and questioning the universes’ ways while staring out into the sky and clouds. I ended the conversation with a ‘I hate you, you can just go and stick it’.

Boy was I stunned with what happened next. Turns out, the feelings mututal. As soon as I ended that sentence, I saw a cloud. A cloud with small fist sized ball, and a relatively thin long piece protruding from it. no, not a penus. The universe was giving me the finger. im positive. A mutual eff you.

Like a boy who gets stunned and then suddenly likes a girl more after she sticks it to him, I found myself smiling at this giant up-yours shaped cloud and thinking that the universe may not be so bad after all if it can humour me like that.

As george michael said, “oh [universe] baby i reconsider my foolish notion [of hating your unfair ass]… yes i gotta have faith”.

Hello, hello, hello, is there any body in there? Just nod if you can hear me…

October 22, 2009

That’s exactly what im asking my inner homunculus right now.

Motivation: the internal or external activation or energisation of goal-directed behaviour (a.k.a. the thing that’s lacking at the moment).

So where is he? I mean, she.

Probably roaming this seemingly existential world in the form of some amalgamation of carbon and whatever-makes-up-rubber molecules, as I have reached my burn out (what is rubber made of btw?). Uni is draining whatever resources i have left. which is just plain dandy. really. which is a shame, as i never really was a fan of dandelions. wait, present tense, i am not a fan of dandelions, in any form (physical or figurative) or permutations.

BUT thank [equivalent of]god for music!

Music. The core, the solace, the savior of my existence. I never truly realised till today, when i had to go a whole train and bus ride (yeah, all 40 minutes of it) without music. Needless to say, i was not a very happy chap. lady, i mean. i found myself disoriented without my morning ritual of Metallica’s turn the page. or my morning power glowing, juicy flowing red hot meaning of life that is Disturbed’s Mr. Draiman. same goes for Matt Tuck, actually.

Not only disoriented, i found myself grumpy and annoyed (“why couldn’t that guy just put his volume up a little higher so I can listen to it too?! too much to ask?!”) and even quite uncharacteristically jealous that other ppl got to listen to their ipods/iphones/mp3s while i had to preserve my iphone battery. So what did i do in the mean time? Some good ol’ fantasisng. The one truly awesome thing about the human condition. the capacity to imagine. and i imaginated about my upcoming birthday. my 21st, in fact. FUN comes to mind. but i intend to have a party with my awesome friends and family,with some singstar and guitar hero (which the bro & i are planning to buy ourselves for christmas =] ). Im also hoping to learn guitar for real, and i have someone special in mind whom i want to teach me, can someone say Grant?  Talented individuals such as Tom Morello and J. Hendrix, coupled with awesome metallica openings and riffs (“one”, “sanitarium”, “the unforgiven II”, to name a three) instill this need to learn the guitar… to the point where it overrides all other biological and psychological drives and gets me playing air guitar in my mind (not in a public place like a bus stop, of course. i have some impulse control). today’s inspiration was little wing, Hendrix (in particular the little bit 5-8sec in).

Yeah, music teaches and gives you a lot in return i think. If only those power-hungry and glorified liars with compensation issues that are “politicians” listened to some of the real stuff; a lot of things could be bettered. avoided even, perhaps. Conspiracies. they completely interest me. it even complies with the whole biopsychosocial model of explaining phenomena, whereby each element or domain interact and interplay on each other in potentiating the phenomena of interest.

How, you may be wondering? Biological factors (immature development of prefrontal cortex notoriously responsible for impaired executive functioning) + Psychological factors (emotional bluntness, complete lack of empathy, pathological lying, intense need for assurance or acceptance, delusions with or without behavioural disturbance) + Social factors ( screw socioeconomic status and culture, perhaps them living in some completely qualitatively different new world order that has disrupted any opportunity for interpersonal relations) = The Politician Disorder. Maybe chuck it on axis II (where personality disorders and mental retardation are put) as symptoms appear to overlap with Antisocial Personality Disorder, Narcissistic PD, and Borderline Personality Disorder. so, maybe classify it as borderline human disorder?

As you can probably tell, psychology interests me. a lot. which is why i can seem to be better able to tolerate “reality” TV shows, and its accompanying idiocity. One such example, Beauty and the Geek: Australia. Upon entering a room with the ♀ and ♂ symbols, one such beauty excitedly exclaimed (not exact quotes, my bad): “i think theyre little clues of which countries, like venus, mars, earth”, to which another fellow beauty somewhat disapprovingly and also excitedly replied: “hahaha earths not even a planet… is it?!”.

and i’ll leave it at that. Please feel free to comment and give feedback as this is my first time blogging =o)